How My Spouse and I Approach Budgeting with Wisdom and Open Hands
The period of engagement is an exciting time for young Catholic couples. The planning of the upcoming wedding is paired with endless anticipation for how wonderful married life together will be and a slew of celebrations to bolster support for the soon-to-be-married among the broader community.
Imagine my chagrin then, when my parents insisted that my (then) fiancée and I take what was certain to be an exceedingly boring course before we got married called “Financial Peace University.”
We watched 60-minute videos about emergency funds and investments. Not exactly riveting material.
My wife to this day maintains that the course had its fair share of mind-numbing moments. Still, both of us cannot deny that taking the time to learn about budgeting and wise stewardship of our finances along Biblical lines has had an outsized impact on our marriage.
It’s not a secret that one of the more common causes of divorce is financial issues and this makes sense. How to spend money (or perhaps more commonly, what to do when there’s not enough) can easily become a topic of contentious debate.
When my wife and I first got married, we were both working as part time baristas at Starbucks. While we both were fortunate to upgrade our careers fairly quickly, we’ve never made that much more than we need to get by. Still, the habit of keeping a monthly budget together has helped us to stay out of debt through the entirety of our married life, handle a lay-off and subsequent move across the country, and give generously to the needs of the Church and our community.
Budgeting may not come naturally to some (it certainly didn’t to either of us) but having a plan for our finances helps us to stay on the same page and feel as though we are working towards the same goals with our money. I tend to be a bit of a “free spirit” when it comes to money (in other words, without discipline money doesn’t stay in my bank account for very long), while my wife can be so thrifty that she avoids buying things she needs or really wants.
When these attributes of ours come into conflict with each other, it creates the opportunity for us to share openly and honestly about our desires and fears around money and the life we want. Instead of seeing these conflicts as hindrances, we try to use them as an opportunity to show empathy and then to gently and lovingly encourage the other person to grow. Making and sticking to a budget has helped the both of us to not only reach a more moderate place with our finances but also to deepen our unity.
Every month we have a quick “budget meeting,” to plan out our cashflow for the coming weeks. Our structure is based on what we learned in that original course, which is based on Biblical principles of handling money. Usually, when we’re discerning financial decisions, we take time to pray together and then discuss it with some trusted mentors in our lives who have demonstrated a healthy track record in the area of finances. Taking time to pray as you create your budget and inviting trusted people into your life to give you guidance can be a helpful practice.
Here’s what our monthly meeting usually looks like:
01. We give first
Before looking at anything else, we always set aside 10% of our income for that month to give to the Church, the poor, or spontaneously as members of our community have need.
As we’ve continued this practice of generosity amidst really difficult financial situations, we’ve learned to trust God for our provision and not our finances. Sometimes He answers our needs by providing just the amount we need monetarily but other times He’s chosen to meet our needs through community or even just consolation in prayer. We’ve found that choosing generosity in seasons of abundance and lack has been an edifying spiritual discipline for our reliance on the Father’s love.
For some, 10% might be too ambitious and for others, it might be possible to do even more. The amount doesn’t matter as much as the heart - we return to God what He has given to us, trusting that He will provide for us.
02. We invest in our future
Saving is one of the most difficult things to do financially but it’s an essential part of being a responsible steward of the money God has given us. When we put away savings first, we can go through the rest of our budget and adjust accordingly. If we get to the bottom of our budget and realize we don’t have enough for practical things, we’ll occasionally come back to the savings category and make adjustments.
In our budget, we’ve prioritized saving for unexpected expenses through an emergency fund because it allows us to save for other areas without fear. The order of prioritization for other savings categories is really up to your discernment and personal circumstances (e.g. retirement may be a lower priority if you have a pension plan through work).
03. We look after our practical needs
Food, shelter, clothing - these are essential and must be tended to financially before our other wants. We found it helpful to be flexible with these categories for the first few months as it was hard to tell right away exactly how much we need in a grocery budget, as an example. Over time, we’ve developed a good understanding of how much we need practically so we don’t need to change the amount much from month to month.
04. We give ourselves room to have fun
Budgeting is meant to set us free in regards to our money, not feel constrictive. Once we’ve taken care of the things we need to, we allow ourselves some room in the budget to spend. Leaving this room for fun open in our budget has helped us to strengthen our marriage by being more spontaneous without feeling anxious about not having enough. When we spend fun money that’s set aside for that purpose, we can experience a carefreeness and joy that’s hard to come otherwise.
Here are some examples of our “fun” categories:
“Blow” money - an amount set aside for each of us we can spend without needing to consult the other
Outings - one of our favourite activities as a couple is to try new restaurants with our friends so we set aside an amount every month to try a new place
Dates - we like to leave some money aside each month to enjoy a simple date night every week, whether its a coffee outing or renting a movie for a night in
There’s so much to say about managing money in a marriage in a way that glorifies God and leads to unity but most of the time, the first step is simply to start having honest conversations with our spouses about how we spend our money and getting on the same page. When we see ourselves as stewards of God’s money, we can rest in freedom, knowing that ultimately, He is our provider.